College is what happened to my faith. Not having an actual church at school is what happened to my faith.
I used to enjoy going to church. I used to be excited to spend that one whole hour with the Greatest, and have the best feeling in the world right after. But what has happened to me?
Even at home, my laziness conquers and hinders me from feeling how I used to about going to church. Sadly, now I see it as a hassle. Sadly, I now see church impeding me from being able to relax on the weekends. I see church now as a chore rather than a privilege. Why? Who knows., because I don’t. I wish I did, resulting in change - but I don’t.
Sure I still pray every night, I still pray before I sleep, I pray before I take tests and before games, I pray before I drive, I pray after something has happened to me, I pray for people, etc. I still “pray”.
Lately i’ve noticed how my actual process of praying has changed. Instead of conversations they’ve just become words. They’ve just become words put together that makes my conscious clear in thanking God - and that’s about it - almost like OCD. I know to thank God for everything good and bad but it’s become a process in which going through the motions is acceptable. Why? How?
I could tell you guys that, “Oh I’m going to change!” and stuff like that. But honestly - how can one change without understanding what the cause was. How can I change without manifestation. Sure, at least I know what has been changing and what I need to work on - but it would be better to find out how and why it went wrong - yes, losing my faith is going “wrong”. I don’t want to lose faith. God will forever be what is greatest in my life.
I don’t want to lose sight of Him because in the end, He is what matters most.
"When God is for you, who can be against you?"
He is my protector, Father, and inspiration. I don’t want to fade away before it’s too late.
I need to find my cure.